Today I finished the last 5 of 10 blog posts for an online blogging company. It was a paid trial and I worked very hard on them and found out more about eye care and dentistry than I ever thought I would want to know. With everything that goes on with me mentally, I thought I dealt with the pressure of a deadline very well and finished all 10 posts in a timely fashion. But I have to admit that there is a part of me that absolutely HATES having to do anything on time. I like to feel free. That is why I don’t do well with 8 hours a day jobs. It’s the having to that gets me and I kick and scream internally and balk at every imperative.
If I am really going to do this for a living I am going to have to learn how to pace myself and budget my time better so I get to fit into the day all that I want to do. As it was, after 2 days of straight blogging, I was exhausted and my brain felt like it was crammed with cotton wool and I couldn’t think anymore. All I could do was veg in front of the TV and drink Cabernet. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I don’t want all my “off” time to be sitting and vegging. I am writing a book and need to make time for that and exercise and reading as well. This is going to be another kind of juggling act and it is going to take me some time to find a rhythm that works for me. But I need to let up on myself and allow myself the time to get used to a new schedule. If this company hires me full time I am going to be writing for at least 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, as well as spending a couple of hours each day doing research.
Being truly free doesn’t mean having freedom all the time. Being free is laden with responsibility. Being free is something each of us must earn. I have worked hard to be truly free. I have earned my stripes. This is MY time. I am taking it and running with it. No. Flying.