Getting here was all a bit frantic and so I was never able to feel how I felt or think about what was happening. So upon arriving, it was all a bit surreal – the mountains, the animals, the welcoming people, our little casita – and I was actually a bit numb. When I finally did start to feel I was weepy and, while not the least homesick, I missed my loved ones terribly and felt very far away. It didn’t help that I also ran out of my antipsychotic medication and was beginning to feel “off”. But I was adjusting too quickly, without feeling how I was really feeling, if that makes any sense. It was overwhelming.
Then something happened that changed everything. I’m not completely sure what it was. Perhaps I started to feel safe again within myself, perhaps it had something to do with the fact that my new insurance was covering all my meds and I finally had enough of everything, perhaps it was just that enough time had passed for me. But all of a sudden, one day in the car, speeding through the mountains, the surreal feeling shifted. I felt here. I felt what I had felt when I first decided, last spring, that I wanted to live in New Mexico. I felt it was all meant to be. That I am where I am supposed to be right now. That all is well in my world and that the Universe supports me. I felt I could surrender to the Universal flow of intention, fulfill my destiny – and I felt completely alive! It was like being able to exhale for the first time. A calm and peace flowed through me and love permeated my every cell. And now I feel a sense of belonging that is indescribable.
I talk a lot about change and how it happens with or without our choosing it. This was a change that I had initially chosen, but was sort of forced upon me a few months sooner than I was planning, as if the Universe were calling my bluff. There was no preparation, no sweet goodbyes over time, none of that. One day I was in Florida, and two days later I was in Santa Fe. There was little thought – just action. It was weird, and it felt so. My best friend and business partner, Kim and I didn’t even know where we were going to lay our heads. But the angels were certainly with us, and we met a new angel, the woman who became our landlady and who rescued us. It has been one serendipitous moment after another. We have landed in the proverbial shit!
Time and a true and deep connection with who we are, are great healers. I was temporarily dis-connected and very rushed, but not any longer. I am home.